Today was a turning point

I came across 5 questions today.

How do YOU define happiness?

What makes you happy?

What’s getting in the way of your happiness?

What changes do you need to make to be happier?

When are you happiest?

I was trying to find answers to a question that has been on my mind recently…  But instead I found questions.  These questions spoke more to me than a simple answer would have.  My question was… Why do I find myself struggling so much?  Struggling with what?  Well… everything.  But, these questions quickly brought me to an answer.

When I answered the questions…

What is happiness?

Well to me, before you can answer this question you need to ask yourself another question as well.    To help people?  To be a teacher?  A mechanic?  Engineer?  Mother?  Friend?  Why were you given this beautiful life?  Well, when you can answer that question, you also just found the answer to what happiness it.  Happiness is finding your one true passion in life.  For me, that is helping people.  I get a natural high off making someone’s day.  Whether it is a sweet text message, baking someone cookies, giving advice, helping someone through a tough workout… Anything.  Whatever I can do to make a difference in someone’s day makes me happy.  So to me, happiness is pursuing your dreams, going through heartaches to reach your final destination.  The journey is always the hardest and most rewarding part…  Happiness is always worth it.

Why were you put on this earth?

What makes you happy?

There are so many things that make me happy, just to touch the surface…

My family. My dogs. My friends. Singing. My job. Making money. Spending money. Babysitting. My car. The Kansas Jayhawks. Watching basketball. Running. Exercising. My boyfriend. Music. Dancing. Laughing. Waking up early. Long car rides to nowhere. Helping people. Diet coke. Giving compliments. Receiving compliments. Giving advice. Talking. Meeting new people. Quotes. Building relationships. Coloring. Studying. Shopping. Getting dressed up. Children. Old couples. My grandmothers memory.

What’s getting in the way of your happiness?

Well, I am just going to come out and say it, even though I don’t want to admit it.  Myself.  As I have mentioned before, my grandma passed a little over 7 months ago now, and my life has not been the same.  Before her passing, I was at my prime, I rekindled all the missed relationships, my physical fitness state made me jump for joy, and school was going fantastic… Everything seemed to be great.  The best part?  I loved myself.  I was genuinely happy.  I never second-guessed anything about myself; I strictly followed my heart making conscious decisions on what would help me keep bettering myself.  I loved my life.

What changes do you need to make to be happier?

It is simple; I need to stop doing things that I know I will ‘regret’.  I am VERY hard on myself.  I have very high standards for myself.  I know what it takes to be healthy- mentally and physically, and I hate that I am settling for less nowadays.  My changes:

STOP using negative words (can’t, never, could have, would have, should have).

Eat a healthy diet.  No excuses.  I know what it means to eat a healthy diet, and I will pursue this again.

Exercise every damn day.  I need to make my day revolve around exercising like I used to.  It made me feel amazing, and I want that feeling back.

Have time to yourself more.

Study more.

Spend more time with my family (especially grandpa).

Put myself first again.  My happiness comes first, always.

Don’t settle. PUSH.

No more naps, live everyday to the FULLEST.

Keep my car & room clean… UNCLUTTER.

When are you happiest?

Easy.  Right after a very intense workout.  Waking up the next morning having to crawl out of bed because I am so sore. Choosing all 100% healthy options.  I miss the feeling I would get when people would be so amazed at how healthy my life was, inside and out.  It was one of the best feelings I will ever feel.  I am happiest also when I wake up at 5:30 to start my day, everyday.

A month from now, I am going to re-answer this question, and the answer will be now.

Standing on the glass
ledge at the top of the
Sears Tower (Willis Tower)

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life now, and I am so happy with how far I have come, still to this day.  BUT I am not as good as I used to be.  On the surface, I look like the happiest girl you will ever come across.  But my mind sometimes tells me otherwise.  I picked up an old bad habit, lost my healthy diet, and lost my want to exercise.  I stopped putting my happiness first, and I stopped giving myself time in the day for personal reflection.

Well, to no surprise, I finally came to a breaking point.  I have been struggling for the past 7 months on getting back to where I was, but finally a light bulb went off.  One of my best friends Shelby Ingram told me- “you are going to have to be miserable for a little while if you want to be happy again.”  Out of all the advice I have been getting on what to do, this was by far the best.  It made me realize that I

have to push through; I have come way too far to give up now.  The struggle is what makes the end worth it.  I will never settle for defeat.  Ever.

Highlights of my day:

Getting to spend time with my family

Going for a run, then finishing it out with a walk with my sister & Piper

Getting to see Shelby & cleaning out my car with her

Michael's sign, filled with inside jokes

Spending time with my boyfriend, who makes me laugh more than anything.  It is impossible to be in a bad mood with him.

Having personal reflection on myself, & realizing what I need to do to help myself

And lastly, finishing out my day with cuddles from my dogs

Highlights of my past week:

My sister & I taking a trip to Chicago to see the Kansas Jayhawks BEAT the Duke Blue Devils

Going up the Sears Tower (Willis Tower), conquering a fear

Arriving to Dulles to find my two best friends Rachel & Nathan waiting at the airport for me, then them taking me around the corner to find Michael there with a sign & flowers asking me to be his girlfriend

Daily motivation, short and sweet:

“Be happy.”