Kylie in a nutshell...

Who is Kylie? Well...

I was named after my beautiful Grandma, Grace Belle.  Kylie Grace Peters.  I was born in August in '94.  As a child I was always active.  Spending everyday in the summer at Grandma's house with my twin cousins Samantha & Danielle, and my older sister Shelby.  Growing up I was definitely more of a 'tom-boy', wanting to run around in shorts and tennis shoes rather than a dress and heels.

When I was younger I grew up playing sports.. Softball, volleyball, and basketball.  I was always playing something.  As a little girl when my sister had softball tournaments every weekend, I would go to all her games, and play with anyone and anything I could find.  I always left the fields that day dirty.  Soon when I got older, basketball took over life. Everyday at least twice a day I was playing.  Whether it was at the gym playing pick up games, or just shooting around, you would always find me with a ball in my hand.  It was my life, every weekend we had tournaments, on top of high school basketball as well.  I loved it.

Unfortunately, come Sophomore year of high school, things changed.  I started to realize that something was wrong on the court.  I could knock down any shot, drive to the basket.. But when I got on the court, in a game, in front of people... everything was different.  Which was weird because I loved playing in front of a bunch of people, but for some reason, I started to freeze up.  Come to show, I was diagnosed with a performance phobia... Shortly after that I was also diagnosed with general anxiety and depression.

My family was always very supportive throughout it all, which helped tremendously.  My family and I have been super close since day one.  Always playing on travel sports teams growing up, we traveled everywhere together.  I confide in my parents, even to this day I am 19 years old and I still confide in them.

I found different ways to cope with the inner pain I was dealing with, but none of them were healthy.  Although, during this whole spell I turned to running.  It was my savior.  I was running around 3x a day, although the problem was, the medicine I was on made me not hungry.  So I lost a ton of weight.. Mostly muscle.. but either way, I slimmed down a ton.  I can't fully blame the medicine for not eating though, I could have eaten, and I probably should have, but I just didn't.  It was a good excuse at the time though I suppose.

Then I got a boyfriend.  My first 'real' boyfriend.  It was the summer going into Junior year of high school.  I stayed around the same size throughout that relationship, but I was still not happy.  I looked to him to make me feel better about myself.  Boy did we have an unhealthy relationship, we fought all the time.  Looking back I know I can't blame myself for all the fights, but I know that I can take credit for many of them.  We weren't a good match, it's as simple as that, so we ended up breaking up.   I know now why we fought all the time, because I didn't love myself.  How was I supposed to love someone else, if I couldn't even love myself?

Now, this is where the story gets interesting.

St. Thomas 2011

I turned to partying.  Not like intense drug induced, sleeping with every guy I meet partying, but you're also talking to the girl who had never even had a sip of alcohol until February of her senior year of high school.  I was never into parties and drinking, but that changed.  I had a ton of friends (which was new too because I was never a 'popular' girl in high school), I went to parties, and worst of all.. I did look for love in all the wrong places. I played a lot of guys, not physically, I didn't put myself out like that, worse... I played with their emotions.  I led them on, then BAM, cut it off.  I looked for attention from them, then once I had all their attention, where was the fun in it?  It was a horrible outlook on relationships, but even though I would deny it, I was in a horrible state of mind.

From the end of my relationship with my ex, to the end of this stage in my life, I lost a lot of close relationships with people who actually mattered.  My best friend, my cousin Samantha, we barely spoke.  Neither her nor her twin Danielle could stand to be around me.  I was mean, rude, and selfish.  I cared about materials more than my own family...  This was never a way of life I was taught.  What kind of person had I become?  I didn't like her, I blamed EVERYONE else for my problems, which didn't help a thing.  I was never home, always out with different friends, every night of the week.  The worst tie that I had cut, was the relationship with my sister, Shelby.  My 3 1/2 year old sister, who couldn't be more genuine, giving, and loving... I pushed around like a rag doll.  That was the biggest regret I have through everything.

I finally saw the light one evening.  This was the turning point of my entire life.  I was tired or hating myself.  Tired of never loving who I saw in the mirror and losing every guy I talked to.  I finally figured something out.  I wouldn't be able to love anyone, if I couldn't love myself first.  From that moment on, everything changed.

I created a Pinterest board, with a lot of health motivation, recipes, and tips.  I came across a certain quote that stood out to me more than any other...

"It's easier to wake up in the morning and go to the gym,

than it is to look in the mirror and not like what you see."

I set my alarm for 5:30 in the morning.  I got up and started doing morning bootcamp classes, and I was even exercising in the evenings as well.  Eating healthy along with it, things got a lot easier for me.  I had a different outlook on life at this point, my life was finally where I wanted it to be.

I had rekindled the relationships with my entire family, dropped every negative influence out of my life (which was the best decision I could have ever made), and focused on positive living.  I was really happy, life was going so well for me.  Good grades, good vides, good friends, amazing family...

But along with the ups, there is always a down.  On April 4, 2013, my grandma passed.  The first death I have ever experienced from someone close to me, it was by far the hardest thing anyone in my family has had to go through.  She was the backbone of my family.  Her and my grandfather had been married for nearly 55 years, a beautiful marriage.  Giving her 6 kids, 20 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren.  She was a beautiful woman inside and out.  Always always always coming to my basketball games, never missed a graduation, wedding, birthday, first day of school.  She was on top of everything.  She was the definition of was a grandmother should be.

We had gone to Kansas, New York, Philadelphia, and even Georgia to watch the Kansas Jayhawks mens basketball team play.  In 2011 I had gotten her row 4 tickets in Allen Fieldhouse, she was on cloud 9, and so was I... I finally found a way to pay grandma back for all the things she has done for me.  It was her dream to see a game in Allen Fieldhouse, so I made it possible for her. These are memories that I will keep forever.  I miss her every single day.

To this day, things have never been the same... I am not sure when they ever will be the same, but I am working towards it.  Nothing worth keeping comes easy.  My battle is trying to find a way to get back on track with my healthy lifestyle.  I exercise like crazy, but my eating habits are not where they need to be.  And for some reason, nothing I try works.  But I won't give up.  I have never in my life given up on anything yet, and I don't plan on it.

So that's why I am here.  This blog will be a place for me to come to vent about anything and everything, and also a place for comfort.  I am here to help anyone who wants it.  I have come so far, and my journey is still not over.  I am always open to new suggestions and relationships.

So besides my background story, here is a little bit more about me:

I am 19 years old.  I love taking pictures, and I love smiling.  I try to make at least one person's day, everyday.  I am a big believer in 'don't sweat the small stuff'.  Family is everything.  I love babysitt

\ing, the littles ones that I babysit for mean everything to me.  I work at an ice cream shop, and I love it.  My boss is actually someone I truly confide in.

August 19, 1994

I have found some amazing friends through work, some of which are my best friends.  I love dogs, all dogs, especially my black lab (Zeus) and my black pug (bubba).  I love country music, it gives me a feel good vibe.  I love to sing, I am absolutely terrible, I could probably break glass.. But it is probably one of my favorite things to do.  I am currently in school studying Kinesiology, I plan to graduate in 2016.  Kansas University is my favorite school, ever.  My grandma grew up in Kansas, and passed on the tradition throughout the family.  I love going to concerts, diet coke, coloring, and doodling.  I am a very random person, but the best things in life are, right?

I am not a fan of reading, if there is a way around it, I am going to find it.  When I do something, I put my entire heart into it.  I hate giving 50%, I give 100% or none at all.  If I could be anything it would be a gymnast, I find it so interesting.  I am a very organized person.  I love cleaning, I know that sounds odd, but it is one of my favorite things to do when I am lounging around.

I find happiness in the littlest of things.  I love cuddling with my dogs.  I love something about every season, but summer would have to be my favorite.  I don't hate anyone, my grandma told me once when I was younger that you don't hate people because that is a strong word, so ever since she said that, it stuck with me and I obey it.  I don't regret any decision I have made in my life, everything has taught me a lesson, and I could not be more thankful for the girl that I am today, and who i am still to become.

Life makes me really happy, everything about it.  I embrace every second that I can.